P!nk - Raise Your Glass

"I'm Here, I'm Sphere. I'm Fat, That's That"

I am and have always been pleasantly plump, big boned...basically when others go skinny dipping, I go chunky dunking. 

I, like pretty much every other chubby girl out there, had a rough time in high school. I was called every name in the book that could remotely relate to being fat....someone even called me Gordita Burrita once, since I'm half Cuban (I have to admit, at least it was a nice change from kids mooing at me). My self-esteem took a major beating and there were days when I just wanted to pull the covers up over my head to wait for the day to end.

I used to stock up on make-up and clothes in a desperate attempt to make myself look like those beautiful women on TV, but there's not much that can make you feel worse than walking into the clothing stores only to discover they don't carry your size. Even those that do, have you in a different section entirely! "A size 18-20? Oh....you need to go to Women's." Disguising the "fat girl" clothes as "womens" doesn't work...EVERYONE knows what it means when you're 15 and heading to Womens. 

Sometimes, I would grab a side salad for lunch or skip eating altogether in hopes some of my fat would just melt away, while watching my thin friends scarf down burgers the size of their heads. I felt ugly. I felt unwanted. I didn't think that anyone would ever find me attractive. I became bitter about my appearance and blamed the media for my poor self-image. 

I'm not sure what it was, but one day I began to open my eyes. I realized that although the media does glorify a specific female body type, I couldn't simply throw blame around. I saw people being made fun of for their sexual orientations, their hair, their clothing. I saw them getting put down by others for being "nerdy," "weird," "poor." There was a derogatory term made up for practically everyone! I watched both males and females succumb to bulimia and anorexia in a desperate attempt to keep from being called fat. I watched students transform from incredible students who answered questions to shy, average students, simply because they were tired of being labeled as nerds. 

The more I saw, the more hurt I felt for all of them. It wasn't until my first year of college that I realized that if I wanted things in my life to change, I was going to have to move on. I would have to forgive the people who said the words that stung me so much, although not forget them. By forgiving and remembering, I would remind myself never to use words like that against others. 

Believe it or not, by changing my attitude, I was able to change my entire outlook. I felt like a new person. I found stores like Fashion Bug, Catherine's, and Dress Barn that actually sold nice clothing in my size! I bobbed my hair and realized that my "chubby cheeks" were actually framed by the cut! I began feeling better about who I was and was able to let my personality shine for the first time in a long time. By forgiving myself for the years I beat myself up and forgiving those who hurt me, I was redefined. 

I'm still heavy set, but now I'm happy. I found out that the more confident you are, the more the others notice. While in college, guys actually wanted to date me! I felt good about my plus-size self for the first time in a long time. I became more confident in my abilities and discovered that I have a lot more to offer than some people see on the outside. I was finally proud to be me. I realized that I have a family and circle of friends who love me for who I am, no matter what. I met the guy of my dreams and I'm now out of college, happily married and just had a little one of my own. I want my son to know that no matter what his peers say about him, he has so much to offer the world. It took me a long time to realize that and I want him to learn that from an early age. 

So basically, I want all of you "underdogs" out there who have ever been teased, hurt, and mocked to listen to the little words of wisdom I ignored when my parents told me...You are beautiful exactly the way you are. It doesn't matter what people say, because everyone has baggage of their own. If you find confidence in yourself, people notice. You don't have to be the perfect images projected upon you...you have to be the perfect version of you, whatever that may be.